Getting to know someone is easy.
Because knowing a person, someone with a high level of understanding will see through all aspects of that person’s performance in a short period of time, both internal and external.
Then people with low understanding can also use time to understand all aspects of this person based on the performance and growth of the other person.
But it’s hard to understand a person.
To understand a person is not to move him, but to understand him while being moved.
To understand a person is not to see him through, but to experience him in resonance.
1. Patience is the prerequisite for understanding a person
The person who speaks to your heart in a few words does not understand you, but understands you.
Understand your needs, understand your expectations,
However, this kind of understanding does not really understand you.
He may know that you want to be comforted, but he doesn’t know, it’s not because you hurt too much,
But it hurts too real.
He may have guessed that you desire a sense of security, but he doesn’t know that in the sense of security you need,
There is also an expectation called respect.
So this has led to some couples, being together because “I know you”,
The separation is actually because “Actually you don’t understand me at all.”
What is the difference between superficial understanding and true understanding?
There are savvy, cognitive, etc., and I think one of the most important conditions,
This patience is not to compromise with anger,
Nor is it full of benevolence and morality, but evasive in action.
It’s not just pretending to be confused and understanding, it seems to know but knows nothing.
This patience is an interaction based on understanding,
It is actively caring and understanding, active speaking, and active listening.
Imagine if a person treats you without even a little patience,
No matter how well he speaks, no matter how thorough, why do you believe him?
Why do you think he understands you well through his words?
2. Because I understand you, I trust you
In my previous article, I once shared one of my views with my friends,
That is a true good friend, there are two kinds of performance:
First, the tacit understanding between him and you is not only an eloquent response, but more importantly, he can firmly accompany you when you need him, and encourage you to comfort you with a sincere attitude.
This is not to say that he put aside everything around him and came to you without hesitation.
But he will seriously accompany you, you will feel his sincerity, inspire you, and make your mood slowly improve.
Second, the distance between him and you will not make you feel unfamiliar. Maybe you each have your own family and life, and you don’t even live in the same city. It is not common for you.
But as long as you are together, you will feel a natural intimacy, even if you haven’t seen it for a long time, you won’t feel anything wrong, and you don’t care about the distance.
Because in your eyes, distance is not a problem.
A true good friend must be the one who understands you, and it is precisely because he understands you that he can achieve these two performances.
Because of trust, I am willing to devote my time to use the most sincere side to heal your wounds and appease your fragility.
Also because of trust, I don’t care about distance, because you believe in each other and understand the trust between each other,
That’s not a feeling that distance can block.
Trusting a person, especially when embodied in emotion, is a whole-hearted interaction.
Therefore, compared with true trust, those false trusts are often perfunctory expressions:
False trust is that he treats you with sincerity when he needs you, and he doesn’t need you to “please do whatever you want.”
False trust is when he feels that you are valuable, and when he feels that you are worthless,
“Sorry, I’m busy, I’ll talk about it another day.”
See you another day,
The kind of goodbye never seen again.
So we can tell who really understands you by trusting this matter,
Who is using you falsely.
3. Do not hurt, you have a future
If you ask me, what kind of relationship is the most lasting?
I will tell you that mutual understanding is the longest.
However, it takes time and patience to make the most persistent ghosts, and these “costs of life” have witnessed the changes in your feelings.
And in this change, you know what persistence is, and what kind of feeling you know, which is most worth cherishing.
Because I understand, I understand your vulnerability, and it’s not easy to know yours.
Because of trust, it is not easy to care for your fragility and respect yours,
Because I understand you, I won’t hurt you.
Those who have been with each other for many years but finally part ways are not lost in the disparity of social status.
It is not lost to distance or time, nor is it lost to the so-called “inconsistent three views.”
In the final analysis, the root of the problem is unwilling to contact you anymore.
I don’t think that he understands you, or that the feeling of mutual understanding is no longer a very important thing for him.
Friendship is like this, in fact, love is also like this:
I feel that knowing you is a burden, and trust is a kind of exhaustion,
So how can such a relationship have a future?